Here I am again, 

here I always am. 

It is 5:34am and I’m making a meal. 

Your absence has settled in me deeply 

and I’m not equipped for the aftermath. 

It is 5:54am and I am taking a long and warm shower. 

Somehow, I always end up on the floor of the bathtub, 

somehow—the water is always a little too hot for comfort. 

It is 6:25am and I am cutting my nails. 

I put it off for too long so now they’re overgrown 

and short nails are easier to manage anyway. 

It is 6:58am and I look outside my window to see a faint sunrise. 

The world outside my window feels so needlessly gentle 

and for that split second, I understand what it means to go on. 

It is now 7:02am and I am learning to pick myself back up. 

Because life didn’t end when you betrayed me 

and I refuse to be bound by it. 

So, I’ll take it back— 

All the love I couldn’t give you,  

all the love you couldn’t accept. 

I will pour it back into myself. 

and hope I one day 

understand a love  

that comes without  

conditions.